Are you living your TRUTH?

At this point, most of us are just getting through the day. We are in survival mode. We are on this crazy pandemic hamster wheel and it is exhausting. And yet we are all supposed to survive this bananas world, and on top of that work, parent, partner and do all the normally exhausting adult things. OH and IF you can find the time, figure out if you are living your truth?

This definitely seems like a back-burner question. Like I will figure out if I am living my truth when I also find the time to learn how to play the ukulele. No one has time for anything else but surviving at this point. And if you are one of the rare people who is actually thriving during this pandemic: kudos, you rock! My goal of 2021 is to move from surviving into thriving. I am done being emotionally and physically spent dealing with this current state of the world.

And I think part of why we all feel this way is that we are living out of alignment with our true selves. Obviously, the pandemic is out of control, so we can’t change that. But putting that aside, are you living as close as you can to your soul purpose? 

(I can hear your eye rolls)

Hear me out- we are all living in an area that rewards the proverbial success, and with that, excess. You are prized if you have a big house, fancy cars, make a lot of money, have overachieving children, etc. Our brains are programmed to understand this notion and crave to live up to that standard. But what if we all stopped living up to the expectations of the outside world and started listening and living up to the standards of our inside world? Would your life, your choices, your actions, your reactions, your language all be exactly the same if you could strip away what you think is expected of you?

I have blogged about this idea of what would people say about you in your eulogy or if you were on your death bed would you be proud of the life you have lived.  This is a great way to begin to shift your perspective on a macro level. But what if you knew you had limited time on this planet? What if you had only one week left? One month? Six months?

Would you stay in that job you hate? Would you keep avoiding your deep desires? Would you be more vulnerable? Would you speak your mind more? Would you stop talking to that friend who always hurts your feelings? Would you stand up for yourself more? Would you pick up the phone and tell that person you love them? Would you move to your dream city? Would you stop trying to please everyone else but yourself? What EXACTLY would your life look like if you made it more your own and less of what is expected of you?

I wrote this social media post for my personal Instagram a week or so ago and in it I wrote “I am so fuckin’ proud of myself” and then I erased it and saved the post to think about that statement before I posted it. Am I proud of myself? Is that a true statement? If you’re a first-time reader to this blog- first of all, welcome- I am so happy you’re here, but secondly, you will soon realize that I pretty much lay it all out on the table. I don’t shy away from uncomfortable statements. I am not one to play coy or hide my emotions or truths. I am vulnerable, sometimes to a fault. But am I really living my truth?

Being an honest and open person does not mean that I am living in alignment with my inner self. It just means I am not scared to share my inside voice with the outside world. Living my truth and being an honest, authentic person are not the same thing.

A few years ago, I was ready to walk down the aisle. I had a great partner; we had a beautiful home and awesome dog together. Life seemed good. I was still myself- open and honest, living what I thought to be my truth. But now in hindsight, I was so far removed from my inner alignment that it is now an actual running joke amongst friends. I was going to marry a headmaster. I was planning to be a headmaster’s wife. If you know me only now, and not then, this seems like the most absurd idea on the planet. Me, a headmaster’s wife? I had a closet filled with pencil skirts and button downs. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, but my soul doesn’t want tight long skirts and high-necked shirts. I am a free spirit. I spend half the summer barefoot in a bikini paddleboarding. I like to jump on planes last minute and explore new places and make new friends. I want adventure.  I want to dance until 2am and trek through jungles. I like to live my life on the wilder side. I am not, repeat, not a headmaster’s wife. I do not want to live my life under scrutiny. So I thank the high heavens that didn’t pan out. 

Losing the entire life I had planned out was one of my toughest experiences so far. I would not wish it on my worst enemies. But it gave me the great privilege to start from scratch. I had the opportunity to rebuild my life in a way that I saw fit. I had lost everything, and in that, I gained everything. 

We obfuscate our true spirit by playing the comparison game on social media, following societal/patriarchal norms, keeping up with the jones’, etc. We dim our own light to fall in line. This is how we have been conditioned. Our whole lives we have been told that fitting in aka aligning with everyone else, and not ourselves, is how we connect. But this not the case. We are all trying to “fit in” but in reality, what we are all seeking is to belong. Because there is a grave difference between fitting in and belonging. One makes you bend and the other makes you stand tall. I did everything I could to fit into my ex’s private school world, but this did not mean I belonged there.

So how do you start figuring out your truth? Start listening to your intuition. Pay attention to your gut. Pay attention to what triggers you and get curious about why. If you’re feeling envy or jealousy about another person’s life- figure out why. Pay attention to moments you feel more alive or bring you joy. Pay attention to people who light you up and figure out why. Look at even the tiniest things that bring you happiness and do more of that. Try to separate what is actually your real desires and what has been conditioned into your thought patterns. Let go of ego. Let go of what or who is not serving your higher good.

Just know this: if you are living out of alignment, then you are missing out on the life that is really meant for you. Trigger warning but if you are trying to force yourself into a relationship, into a job, into a friendship or really any situation, then you are living out of alignment. Forcing parts of your life to work (and this is different than working on) in order to maintain an outside appearance is not serving your higher self. If you are bending and compromising the deep core of yourself, then you are abandoning who you are. Do not be this person.

Instead, be the person who runs towards the deep exquisite parts of yourself that are waiting to emerge. Run towards those people who make you feel the most alive and the most safe to be your true self. Run towards the project or job that makes you light up inside. Run towards the partner who sees and appreciates your magic and supports your dreams. Run towards the parts of you that may scare you, but that you know are your deepest truths. Do not waste one more minute being anything but your own damn beautiful self. You are not on this earth to fit into a mold; you are on this earth to become the gorgeous human inside of you. This may mean giving up some really difficult things. But you HAVE to do it. You have to step into the life you are meant to be living. RIGHT NOW. Stop listening to the noise outside of you telling you what you want and need and start only paying attention to what your heart craves. You do not get a second chance at this. Make this life the one you’re meant to live. Let every choice move you towards that. As always, your future self will thank you.

Sending all my love & light,

Jamiesonxo