32 Phrases We NEED to Communicate Better
The entire point of this human existence is to connect. Hopefully that connection is forged in love and compassion. A major factor in how we connect is how we communicate. Communication is the most important aspect of all relationships. The way we communicate (or lack thereof) speaks volumes to your character, especially when a lot of your language is often under scrutiny. These are 30 plus phrases that are a must in your dialogue if you are trying to exemplify respect, compassion, appreciation and love. Try incorporating these more into your life and see what a game changer they are.
I’m curious, tell me more. Often times, we feel like our words are falling on deaf ears. By staying curious about what another person is saying and asking a lot of questions shows that you are listening and trying to understand them better. It is pure beauty.
Tell me about your day. And don’t ask this while scrolling on your phone. Sit someone down, look them in the eyes and genuinely ask them how their day went.
How are you? (really though) Don’t ask this and expect/or respond, “good and you?” Be authentic in your ask and authentic with your answer. Leave space and time for this question to grow into more conversation. Or don’t bother asking.
Text me when you get home. I love this one. So simple and shows so much care and good intentions.
You make me feel safe. This requires vulnerability. But if someone has created a space for you to be authentic, to not feel triggered, to understand your flaws, to see you and hear you and love you for all the good and bad- then that person certainly deserves to hear these words. So move into that vulnerable space (even if it feels icky to you) and tell them how wonderful and safe they make you feel.
How can I help? And don’t just say this to be polite but actually mean it. It is not easy for a lot of us to ask for help, so to be offered a helping hand is amazing! The caveat is if you offer help and your offer is accepted, do it joyfully. And if you need help, ask! No one can read your mind. You are not allowed to get upset/resentful if you needed help and someone didn’t magically show up.
Tell me more about that. It is amazing how conversations and learning about someone can grow out of this statement. It shows a genuine interest in another. And what we do know is that people do like to talk about themselves or their interests- so get involved.
What do you mean by that? A problem a lot of us face with communication is that we spin things into our own crazy stories. We would rather assume than confront. Asking for clarification on a subject or on a specific sentence that doesn’t sit right with you is so important. Let there be space for misunderstandings and expansion.
I hear you. Such powerful words! What we desire most in connection is to be understood and being told “I hear you” just validates that someone is actively listening and understands your side of the street.
I appreciate you/that. If someone says something nice or does something for you or just purely exists and makes you happy- tell them how much you appreciate them or that action. Pride/ego/stubbornness sometimes gets in the way of this statement but let your gratitude win over lower-self emotions.
This reminded me of you. We all want to think that others are thinking about us. Sadly, most people are too busy or too involved in their own lives to pause and tell someone this but if something prompts you to think of someone else, share it.
What do you think about this? A great way to spark conversation and get someone else’s VALUABLE opinion. Don’t go to people whose values and opinions do not align with what you’re asking.
I value you. Another vulnerable but crucial statement. Telling someone that they mean the world to you is such a positive reinforcement of loving connection.
I thought about what you said. Telling people that you have spent time, after the fact, to really process and put energy into their words is so beautiful. It makes the other person feel valued and heard.
Tell me how that makes you feel. Holding a safe space for someone to open up and share their feelings is a true gift. Asking someone to get vulnerable, and hopefully it being accepted, is something the world needs more of. Too many people are scared of feelings and sharing them. Creating spaces for these people to know its ok to do so- without rejection or judgment- is key.
I’ve been thinking about you. I hear friends gush over people and when asked if those people know how they feel, they are like “God no”. There is a disconnect between our thoughts and our actions. If you are thinking about someone in a positive way, tell them. If you like them, tell them. If you can’t imagine a day without them in your life, tell them. Life is too short for holding back.
Do you want me to listen or to respond? I love this one. A lot of the time, we need to vent without advice or sometimes we just need advice and not a lecture. And you don’t know what someone needs until you ask. So, before you step in to share your wisdom, ask someone what outcome they are needing from you.
What I’m hearing you say is…A practice my therapist has given me before is to mirror talk. When you’re having trouble communicating with a partner, you have an allotted time to speak, and they have to mirror back what they just heard from you before they have a chance to share their side. It helps create the habit of active listening. And allows for clarification if your words aren’t being understood.
I’m just checking in. I send this text probably ten plus times a week. I’m a big advocate of checking in on your loved ones if you haven’t heard from them in a while. It shows that you care and gives them the opportunity to connect, especially for those going through a difficult time. This is your daily reminder to check in on your people- it's important! And shows the other person that they matter to you.
I’m here if you need me. Another gem to tell people. We all want to know that we have a safe space to turn to when shit hits the fan or we become overwhelmed. Letting others know that they have that space in you is magic.
How can I support you? Sometimes we assume to know what is best for another person but in reality, everyone needs to feel supported in different ways. And asking them how they like to feel supported is a part of getting to know someone better. Some friends want you to bring over a pint of ice cream to inhale when they are going through it. For me, food when I’m sad is never the answer. So ask your people what support looks like to them.
Can I get your opinion on this? Ahh, the joy of feeling needed by someone and to have your opinion valued at the same time. This question tells others how much you value them. Just be sure to not be getting medical advice from your milkman aka who the opinion comes from is just as important.
I’m sorry. This one needs its own blog. Having the ability to own your mistakes is so powerful. And to be able to apologize well is a skill. We do not accept “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I’m sorry but…” Honestly, we accept apologies but what we want/deserve is changed behavior. The best way to say I’m sorry is to fully own it (no blame placed anywhere else) and then to change that behavior. Because your apology means nothing if you continue to repeat the pattern.
I forgive you. This one is just as important as the apology. If someone has the courage to vulnerably apologize and you choose to accept the apology- tell them that. Do not let them stew in their shame and guilt. When you’re ready, tell them that you appreciate their apology, and you accept it. And then 100% commit to moving on from that subject. No bringing it up later.
You got this. Or another version is “I believe in you”. Having someone have faith in your strength, your decisions, your approach to life is incredible. Yet another way to make people feel less alone in the world- knowing that someone is standing behind them, believing in them.
I’m proud of you. Oh, the therapy I have done over these words. Letting someone know that their character, their integrity, their whole wonderful, beautiful humanness, flaws and all is something that makes them beam with pride- is priceless. And it shouldn’t be stated just after major achievements but constantly and for no reason at all. If you’re proud of someone, share it.
You’re right. Why in the world are these words so hard to say but so awesome to hear? It’s the black and white of this statement that feeds the competitive ego inside of us. But being able to humble yourself to say “you’re right and I was wrong” is a gift. And it gets easier the more you practice. It goes hand in hand with being well versed in apologies. I have zero problem telling someone they are right if I believe that and no problem saying I’m sorry if I was wrong. But that is also because I keep my ego in serious check. When we are making choices through our ego lens, we tend to put ourselves on a very high horse and it’s not easy getting down from that. The key is keeping an open mind to being wrong, rather than stalemate in your righteousness.
I miss you. Another one that if you feel it, even for a split second, tell the person. Because the more we can make positive connections in the world (and being missed by someone comes with a positive intention, even if not reciprocated), the more positivity is spread. If you miss someone, own it and share it.
I trust you. Ok, so I am in the camp that I trust someone until they give me a reason not to (aka I have faith in humanity). Lots of people come from the camp of people have to earn my trust (aka their experiences taught them to be wary). No one is right or wrong in how they choose to trust but trust is the prime foundation of all relationships. Once broken, it is hard to mend without extreme effort and dedication. But always do-able. Bottom line, if someone is in your trust circle, tell them. They deserve to know that you are someone worthy of holding their heart in your hands.
Thank you for that. Do you know how hard it is for some people to open up? Or make a plan/decision? Or remember to pick up their wet towels? It might seem like the most rational easiest thing to you and for others, it just isn’t. So, if someone you care about does something that you appreciate- big or small- tell them “thank you”. And really mean it. I always hear people say, “why should I thank them for doing something that they should know to do?” Well Karen, because not everyone is as smart and aware as you. Their experiences and filters make them different from you. Some people don’t notice or care about towels on the ground. It's not in their DNA to, so if it’s in your DNA to want it done, either do it yourself or thank them when they do it. But please no BS thank yous allowed.
I am grateful for you. Who knew just a few words could mean the whole world to someone else? If someone sheds light and love in your world and that fills you with gratitude, tell the person. Don’t be shy. Everyone wants to feel appreciated, and these are the exact words to make them feel special.
I love you. Which is different than “love you”. Love you is quick and informal. But the three words “I LOVE YOU” is a real declarative statement and has emphasis and depth. Do not say these words if you do not indeed mean it. Do not say it as a response because you felt bad leaving someone hanging. You get to choose who you love (mostly), and it is the most sacred gift in the world to share with someone else. And it is meant to be shared, not necessarily reciprocated. There is so much magic in reciprocation, but it is also perfectly alright to say “I love you” to someone and that be enough. Because what that says about you is that your ability to see beauty, depth, authenticity and joy in someone outweighs the ego, the desire to have love returned to you. It means you are able to stand in your truth even through rejection (although I see all love shared as a beneficial part of life and not a rejection). Being able to love deeply is a fuckin’ gift. So share it! Share it every single time you feel it, without pause. Because sharing love creates connection. And love and connection is always our underlying purpose on this planet. We are not creatures of solitude, although we may feel like it sometimes. We thrive and grow through connection. And love is the outcome of that. So please, please, please if you love somebody, TELL THEM. Right now. Send a text, pick up the phone, write an email, smoke signal or whatever. But tell them! Because you never know when your last chance to share these three beautiful words may be. And that isn’t mean to be morbid but pure truth. Share your love, speak your heart- that is the biggest gift you can give to anyone.
Bottom line, these are all phrases that we need to incorporate into our daily dialogue more. We need to stop building walls between ourselves and start sharing with vulnerability and openness. Nothing on this list just magically rolls off your tongue, unless you're super vulnerable (like me!)- it requires effort and thoughtfulness and a strong desire to be the light in someone's day. So do you think you can be the light in someone's day today? xo