Create Space for Authenticity to Flourish...

My friends and I discuss our relationships (familial, spousal, partners, friends, coworkers- all the things) a LOT. Not in a gossipy way but in a “how can/do we approach our relationships and what can we draw from or improve on (or get rid of) within those relationships.” What I’ve learned from our chats is that we all view relationships EXTREMELY differently. It’s actually what I love from these conversations: that we approach relationships so differently based on our past experiences that we are always learning!!

We do tend to have a handful of things in common. The most common consensus for successful relationships is that you must create a space for the other person to be authentically themselves without fear of judgment or rejection.

Reread that. It’s important. You MUST create a space for someone to be authentically themselves without fear of judgment or rejection.

Imagine your closest relationship: the person who you know and trust implicitly. Can you be and say whatever you want to this person without retribution? Does this person make you feel safe and secure? Is this relationship stress-free (not situationally but the actual connection)? Does this person make you feel heard? Do they support you relentlessly in your passions? Do you feel respected? Can you truly be yourself?

If you answered yes to all these (especially the last question)- you probably have a beautifully authentic relationship that allows you the freedom to be consistently you. Yay! Don’t ever give that up. Be grateful for that person.

This doesn’t mean that authentic relationships can’t face tough times. Majority of relationships do. But it’s how you approach those tough times that says a lot about how authentic the space you’ve created together is. I have been in relationships where my reaction doesn't fit the situation and I realized it's because I was made to feel insecure and therefore reacted from a place of hurt and used disrespectful tactics (ie yelling) to counteract my insecurities. This relationship was a) not for me but b) wasn't created in a space of authenticity, respect and love.

I’ve also been in relationships where I feared rejection (fear of saying the wrong thing, being judged on my choices, etc). If fear or judgment is something that exists in your relationship- you need to reevaluate that connection. It is sometimes used as a tactic (consciously or subconsciously) to manipulate and control one another and it rarely ends up leading to positive spaces. Being fearful of showing your true colors means you will never thrive in that partnership.

A quick reminder: never try to change the essence of a person. One of my favorite quotes as of late is: "if someone shows you their true colors, do not try to repaint them." Just as you are who you are, so are they. Respect that.

Reassessing your relationships and where you stand currently is so crucial. Just as we are growing through our own experiences; our relationships need to grow along side us. Just like you would have a performance evaluation at work, you should have relationship evaluations. Never leave the important relationships in your life hanging. Check in, stay current.

I didn't talk a lot about love during this relationship rant but here's the thing: if you can create a space for another human to be authentically themselves without fear, shame, rejection or judgment; if you can create a space that is founded on respect, then love will always follow. Always.

All we crave is human connection and if someone shows up and tells you, "hey! I like you exactly as you are, keep that shit up."- love will follow.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend spent with people who create the space for you to flourish.

Be love, share love,
Jamiesonxo