Seek, dive, find (hopefully)...

Seeking to be the happiest versions of ourselves would seem to be the goal for most people. On the flip side, this does not mean that people are actively trying to also be the best version of themselves. This is completely different. They are seeking to be happy, to be satiated with where they stand in life. For the people looking to be the best versions of themselves feeling content with where you stand is often not an easy find. At least for myself. Are you seeking happiness? Growth? Both? Or just trying to get by? Our goal should always be both. Content with our present and living in the deepest versions of ourselves.

For me, as of late, it has just been trying to get by. If you read my last email blast, you know I have been battling depression. This requires a lot of energy to complete routine tasks. But what I have been forcing myself to do is to really evaluate all situations from a bird’s eye view, from a stranger’s perspective. I am taking every interaction with people and evaluating their approach, my approach, how I feel afterwards, in the moment, etc. I am analyzing every aspect of my day with an almost scientific mind to really hone in on who I am to this world and what benefits me and what doesn’t feed me. As an extremely emotional, spiritual and vulnerable being, I am not used to this type of methodical mindset. But it has been a great way to separate my depressed self from the person I have to be every day. Because that is what depression has been for me. It has been forcing myself to go out into the world and be someone that does not reflect my inner dejected self. And now with medication, my inner person is beginning to match my outer person. Thank goodness for that.

Think about your day, from the minute you get out of bed, every single breath that you take from the minute your feet hit the floor until you are tucked back into bed again. During this entire, sometimes monotonous cycle, are you spending your time choosing a happy path or seeking to learn about yourself through your actions in the world or are you just getting by and doing each task as it comes? Most of the time, our lives seem to be on auto-pilot (see past rant here). And that works if during your autopilot, you are staying present and making the most of your scheduled day. But as a culture that tends to celebrate chaos and busyness, we are not finding joy in the small things and we are not seeking the growth from our day to day interactions. We might think we are but then we shut our eyes to sleep and wake up and begin again. Usually on the same exact track as the day before. But if you spent your whole day analyzing (and not from fear or judgment) your exchanges, your thoughts, your emotions and really digesting them in a nonpartisan way to see: how can I take myself up a level? How can I systematically grow into my greater self? How can my daily tasks drive my greater good? How am I feeding my bigger purpose? You will start to see the world a little clearer. You will begin to recognize the small joys (for me yesterday it was standing with two girlfriends chatting about art and realizing how much love we shared in our words to each other). You will begin to notice negative triggers and be able to breathe yourself out of a negative space quickly. You will begin to notice the worn path that you usually take and realign yourself to follow the more present or joyous one. There will be a shift.

For me, just spending the past week or so focused on realignment through self-rumination and analysis has really helped clear the fog. I’m definitely still in the fog, but it has shown me that there is light on the other end. This, as all things, is impermanent.

I urge you to try this for an hour, a day, a week. Start looking at your life and choices through a stranger’s eyes; start seeing yourself from an outsider’s perspective. Take it as a challenge to divert from your typical cycle. It will shift you into a better space. It will lend to growth and hopefully that leads to happier moments. Because isn’t that we all want, a long string of joyous moments?

Have a beautiful weekend guys!
Jamiesonxo