Grieving is a part of the solution

It took me about a week into this COVID lifestyle to figure out why I was crying so much. I am not only dealing with high anxiety and stress and learning to cope with the grand unknowns, but I am also in a process of grieving. We are all in the process of grieving. The life we used to have and were comfortable in is no longer. All of our plans are on hold. All of our big events had to be cancelled. Our entire life has been shut down until further notice. And this is not easy to handle. It is nothing that we have experienced before. How do we manage letting go of our past comfortable life?

Any time I have had to grieve a loss in life, I have to be very aware of emotions. There are constant highs and lows. They range from “yes I got this, I will survive and go on” (cue Destiny’s Child’s, “survivor”) to “I can’t handle this, I’m retreating to my dark cave and I will see you in six months” (cue REM’s “Everybody Hurts”). This fluctuation in emotions is heavy. It’s a lot to carry and adding on the stress of the COVID protocols, it all feels almost unmanageable. Please know you are not alone in these dark feelings. You are not alone in the heaviness. My normal tools of finding gratitude, meditation, slow yoga, dancing to my favorite jams and thought-provoking podcasts are not working. This is tougher than most losses because we have never navigated waters like this. This is all new to us and it feels icky and out of our control.

And that’s the thing- just like COVID, grief is outside of your control. And what does therapy teach us about things outside of control? You have to let them be. You have to relinquish the idea that you are in control of this life. It is not easy and it is scary! So here is what I am doing to help myself with this control issue: I am letting go and letting flow. You must let all the emotions flow: the good ones and the bad ones. If you want to cry, do it, wherever you are. I bawled my eyes out in the Trader Joe’s parking lot the other day. If you want to feel anger, go outside and scream. Punch a pillow- do whatever you need to do to deeply feel that emotion. And then let it go. You must remember that every emotion is temporary. You also have to keep in mind that emotions are not a part of you. Feeling sad and angry does not make you a bitter person. It makes you human.

And I think all humans are feeling a little broken right now. We are all lost and scared. Be comforted in the knowledge that you are not alone in this. And the beauty of feeling broken open, is that those cracks in our comfort zone is where the light tends to shine through. This is a chance for you to take what is broken in you and work on healing it. It is a chance to change how you want to live your life after this. It is a way to shift your perspective on what matters and what doesn’t. Being broken does not equal not existing. Broken and grieving is a foundation of renewal. Seek that that beautiful energy of renewal. With the Spring energy in the world, hopefully this becomes easier for all of us.

This grief we are all feeling is begging us to seek love. You need to figure out a way to love what you have during these circumstances and stop complaining about what you don’t. You need to be a part of the solution and not the problem. You need to work on yourself during this time. Find a way to heal the broken feeling. I know, after going through a personally traumatic week, I am trying to be kind to myself and be gentle with my mistakes. I have been very angry at myself for regressive actions I took and I had been beating myself up nonstop, but as of yesterday, I stopped. It is not in my control and all I can do is seek amends. I am working on my own forgiveness. I am working on my healing. I am working on loving this new version of my life. And you should be also.

Be love, share love,

Jamiesonxo