Major reminder today
Loss is a part of our existence as humans. Personally, I have lost a lot of important people and things in my life. I always choose to look at the Buddhist principle of impermanence to help me with my faith after loss. It reminds me that all things are transient, flowing, changing, even unstable. Because the more attached, connected and feel that we have ownership with something, the deeper the pain of inevitable loss is.
I write this today because I got some not great news about my sweet pup upon my return. The loss of her is looking a lot sooner rather than later. I am crushed. But I am trying to focus on all the good memories we have shared together over the years and to make her time left the best as possible. And also, to keep the faith that her vet could be wrong. They have been wrong in the past.
When I look back on the people (and pets) I have lost in the past, I always wish that I had been mature enough and smart enough to appreciate them and my valuable moments with them. Even though I know I loved them and showed them all love I could during their time on earth- I sometimes just wish I could go back and love them as deeply, maturely and intelligently as I do now. I wish I could have loved them louder! I wish I had been smart enough to be more grateful for each moment. I wish I had not held grudges or had moments of anger. I wish I knew what I know now- that life is so effin' precious and shorter than expected. But that is the BS of hindsight- we learn through the pain; we grow and then we know how to do better. I’d do anything to drive around blasting music and laughing with my best friend again. I’d kill to see my grandparents and tell them everything they ingrained on my life and how important they are to me, how they shaped who I am today. I’d love to hug my aunty Josie again and hear her deep laugh that reverberated whatever room she stood in and ask her to show me how to create beautiful art the way she did. And those are just a small handful of moments I wish I could return to. A reminder to be so grateful for every moment, every phone call or text, every shared belly laugh, every silly thing and every single thing- good and bad- that you share with your loved ones.
Part of why I love so deeply and care for the people in my life now so loyally and openly is because I don't want to make that mistake again. I don't want to look back on any of my relationships and think “dang, I wish I had…”
Because right now, in this moment, this is the only chance you’re guaranteed. For yourself and for everyone you love. Value and respect it please. Don't let this day end without telling and better yet, showing, the people that you love that you love them.
Something my aunt said to me when she hugged me goodbye in Hawaii a couple months ago was “I really hope I get to see you again”. It was such a raw, vulnerable and honest statement. Possibly an acknowledgment to aging but seemed more an acknowledgment to the fact that crazy things happen in life, and you never know when someone will no longer be with us.
So let this be your reminder today: be grateful for the love, people and pets that surround you. Show and tell them how much you care. Say I love you a ridiculous number of times. Hug them tightly. You really never know when it could be the last time.
PS- please say a prayer for my baby girl, Tavi. xo