Lessons from my 40th year on this planet
Every year I compile a list of things I have learned or witnessed that elevate my life. I hope in sharing these lessons, you also elevate your life. Nothing in this life is easy- learned or otherwise. I hope these lessons serve your higher good, like they did mine.
If you value something or someone, treat it as such. Don’t be a half-assed human. Treat everyone in your life the same way you would treat the person you love the most. If you love your parents, your children, etc. with every cell in your body, show that same respect, love, compassion, joy and open heart to all your people. Don’t be selfish with your love. How you treat others says a great deal about your character.
Your ego cannot handle loss, failure, rejection, etc. But your soul can. Remember that when you are going through hard things and why it feels so difficult and crazy making. That is your ego coming through. Try your best not to operate from that place.
Stop worrying about the outcome. Every positive step forward will get you there. Even the setbacks will get you there. It’s about intention bundled with conviction that matters. Not the outcome. The outcome naturally comes when it’s ready. Your job is to focus on the here and now.
Do things before you are ready. This is how expansion happens!
Stop putting people in categories. I know making someone a villain or a hero or crazy makes our brains feel safe. But everyone is a human and sometimes they just aren’t aligned with you. The end. No need to label anyone.
Only spend your energy and effort on people who match yours. As a giver, it is so easy to be fooled by the takers. Don’t settle for one-sided relationships.
If you know someone’s insecurities, do your best to minimize them. Make them feel safe. Never be the person to increase someone’s insecurities- it’s cruel.
Never let the ego be in control of you. It will always exist inside of you but recognize when it’s calling the shots and filter around it. Your ego is generally not your best ally.
Be a great friend. Like really be a great friend and not a fair-weather friend. Include people, show up for them when they are in need and be the most kind. Friends are chosen family.
You can live with failure and rejection. You should not live with “what ifs”. Regret should never be an option.
Don’t justify poor behavior in your head. Own it. Be accountable for how you show up. Do what you need to do to make up for it. Apologize. Keep your side of the street clean. That’s your responsibility.
Be honest in absolutely everything. The more you hide from the world, the less authentic you are and therefore the less aligned you are with your true path. If you want to live an aligned life, be honest with yourself and others.
The five people you spend your most time and energy with will greatly affect your own energy and path. So, if you and your friends spend your life in a bar or gossiping or judgmental- expect that to be the sum of your current life.
At any single point of any single day, you have the option to change. If you don’t like how you show up in the world, change it. Now.
Self-awareness is one of the most important lessons to learn. The world may revolve around you in your head but being aware of how we interact with everything around us and owning our part is key.
Life is way shorter than you think. We all think we have so much time and one wasted day doesn’t matter, but our time is precious and should never be wasted. Live every day like tomorrow is not guaranteed. Because it’s not.
We are all souls having a human experience. Our souls are here to grow and learn and evolve. If you’re not doing that daily, you’re wasting your human potential.
Your words have power. Use them wisely.
An argument usually occurs when one party is feeling unheard and distanced from the other. Rather than seeing the argument as an issue, get curious about what side of the fence you’re on. Conflict is necessary in all relationships and how you handle conflict is important. Rather than being defensive, figure out the underlying issue that is causing the disconnect. Focus on repairing that and making the other person feel seen and heard.
Get curious. About every single damn thing. Ask the questions, get to the understanding. Don’t ever stop being curious. Curiosity is what keeps the doors of communication open.
Hurt people really do hurt people. When you haven’t healed past wounds, you will operate and be triggered from that space. Pay attention to your triggers. Take notice if you’re the one doing the hurting and figure out how to heal those wounds.
Fiercely love and foster your inner child. Just like you right now, they did the best they could under the circumstances. They deserve so much love, grace and understanding. Talk to them and tell them how much you love them. Feed them by remembering to play and dance and be curious and silly and carefree as much as possible every day.
Do your best to operate from scars, not wounds. Take your healing seriously. Self-destructive behaviors and self-sabotage do not end until healing takes place.
Our goal in this world is to connect through love. That means our goal is to understand the differences in others in a loving way. So always be curious about understanding another. Being open to understanding is what keeps connection and love going.
Respond, never react. Take a pause if you feel a reaction building. Pause everything until your response comes from a desire to understand and not a place of defensiveness.
Be a person who asks other people questions. Don’t be the only one talking about yourself or just responding to questions. Learning others comes from questions. Conversations should never be one sided.
Forgiveness is a superpower. It not only brings you peace, but it also exemplifies your power of compassion and understanding. Forgiveness is to serve you, not them. It also is a choice to forgive yourself and understand that you were doing your best at the time. Find a way to always forgive your younger self. Please always remember, we are all flawed.
Keep your side of the street clean. Always. The world around you could be constantly testing you, but it’s in your best interest and power to always be your best self and keep your character in check.
Live with integrity. Full stop. Let your words match your actions and vice versa. If you say you’re gonna do or be something or make a change, do it. Or shut the eff up. Your integrity determines your character.
On that note, sometimes you have to do things you’d prefer not to. This is a part of adulting. I’m not saying do things that go against your boundaries or core values but sometimes you gotta suck it up buttercup.
It does not matter how much you can love, support and show up for someone if they cannot reciprocate or receive that. Set boundaries, move on. A reminder that people can only meet you as deeply as they have met themselves.
The stories you create in your head are not reality. Even if they are based on your truths, you can choose to either ask for clarification or choose to sit in the mental chaos, but never act upon those imagined scenarios. The stories in your head are not reality.
It is absolutely ok to end friendships, to stop speaking to family members or anyone that you’re “supposed to love”. If someone is adding more drama, making you feel insecure or causing you pain- set a boundary and do your best to let it go.
Figure out your priorities and passions and pursue them aggressively. But keep in mind that it’s ok to shift your values & priorities at any time. Sometimes situations force us to back burner who or what we love and that is ok as long as we learn to re-prioritize and figure out how to keep our values in check.
Learn your personal operating system. One, so you don’t lose it in others and two, so you can show up as your best self-daily. Our culture and society like to condition us to think in a certain way, so knowing yourself deeply and honestly changes how you show up in the world.
Love over fear in all things. Never let fear be the dictator of your life choices. You’ll know it is fear talking if you’re questioning every aspect with “but what if”. Fear-based decisions create very long detours.
Accountability is a superpower. If you can own your actions, words, even your thoughts, you will gain a lot of emotional maturity. Be sure to be accountable out loud.
If something has to end, let it end gently and with peace and love. You don’t ever have to burn bridges or be petty or spiteful. Things are allowed to have beautiful endings. Kindness in endings is a choice.
Be brave in all things. Speak your truth. Don’t hide behind walls. If it scares you, find your courage & bravery and just do it. Tackle life with fervor. Because the way you do one thing is the way you do all things.
Don’t be stubborn- it serves no one. Stubbornness is ego in disguise. Don’t let it rule your actions. Flexibility and humility in your choices is a necessity.
Communicate, communicate, communicate. And do it clearly. Don’t be the person who doesn’t respond to texts/calls or ghosts or avoids tough conversations. Learning how to communicate your thoughts and feelings aka being vulnerable, even when it feels impossible, is where growth occurs.
Ok so after reading this extensive list- I hope you know understand this all comes from a place of love and learning because ULTIMATELY this is the BIGGEST LESSON:
All we have is love- it is free to give and to receive. It is the reason we are on this planet. No one should be an island. No one wants to feel or be alone in the world, even if they act like it. So please, please, please lean into love. Soak it up deeply and give it out effortlessly. Love is our number one reason, folks!! If you don’t believe me- think about the last moment you felt happy or joyful or proud or grateful or laughed so hard you cried or even grieved or were hurt- it all came from a place of love. Love is our ultimate reason.
Take these to heart, my friends. It will only serve you for the better. I send you all my love.
Jamiesonxo